How to writing well_3

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How to writing well_3 129 CHAPTER 6 - EFFECTIVE SENTENCES Wordy prose is frequently the result of using one or more of the following: (1) deadwood constructions, (2) redundancies, (3) pretentious diction. Avoid Deadwood Constructions Always try to cut empty “deadwood” from your sentences. Having a clear, concise style does not mean limiting your writing to choppy, childish Dick- and-Jane sentences; it only means that all unnecessary words, phrases, and clauses should be deleted. Here are some sentences containing common dead- wood constructions and ways they may be pruned: Poor The reason the starving novelist drove 50 miles to a new restaurant was because it was serving his favorite chicken dish, Pullet Sur- prise. [“The reason . . . was because” is both wordy and ungram- matical. If you have a reason, you don’t need a “reason because.”] Revised The starving novelist drove 50 miles to a new restaurant because it was serving his favorite chicken dish, Pullet Surprise. Poor The land settlement was an example where my client, Ms. Patti O. Furniture, did not receive fair treatment. Revised The land settlement was unfair to my client, Ms. Patti O. Furniture. Poor Because of the fact that his surfboard business failed after only a month, my brother decided to leave Minnesota. Revised Because his surfboard business failed after only a month, my brother decided to leave Minnesota. Other notorious deadwood constructions include the following: regardless of the fact that (use “although”) due to the fact that (use “because”) the reason is that (omit) as to whether or not to (omit “as to” and “or not”) at this point in time (use “now” or “today”) it is believed that (use a specific subject and “believes”) concerning the matter of (use “about”) by means of (use “by”) these are the kinds of . . . that (use “these” plus a specific subject) Watch a tendency to tack on empty “fillers” that stretch one word into an awkward phrase: Wordy Each candidate should be evaluated on an individual basis. Concise Each candidate should be evaluated individually. 130 PART ONE - THE BASICS OF THE SHORT ESSAY Wordy Television does not portray violence in a realistic fashion. Concise Television does not portray violence r ealistically. Wordy The New York blackout produced a crisis-type situation. Concise The New York blackout produced a crisis. To retain your reader’s interest and improve the flow of your prose, trim all the fat from your sentences. “There are,” “It is.” These introductory phrases are often space wasters. When possible, omit them or replace them with specific subjects, as shown in the following: Wordy There are ten dental students on Full-Bite Scholarships attending this university. Revised Ten dental students on Full-Bite Scholarships attend this university. Wordy It is true that the County Fair still offers many fun contests, includ- ing the ever-popular map fold-off. Revised The County Fair still offers many fun contests, including the ever- popular map fold-off. “Who” and “which” clauses. Some “who” and “which” clauses are un- necessary and may be turned into modifiers placed before the noun: Wordy The getaway car, which was stolen, turned the corner. Revised The stolen getaway car turned the corner. Wordy The chef, who was depressed, ordered his noisy lobsters to simmer down. Revised The depressed chef ordered his noisy lobsters to simmer down. When adjective clauses are necessary, the words “who” and “which” may sometimes be omitted: Wordy Sarah Bellam, who is a local English teacher, was delighted to hear that she had won the annual lottery, which is sponsored by the Shirley Jackson Foundation. Revised Sarah Bellam, a local English teacher, was delighted to hear that she had won the annual lottery, sponsored by the Shirley Jackson Foun- dation. “To be.” Most “to be” phrases are unnecessary and ought not to be. Delete them every time you can. 131 CHAPTER 6 - EFFECTIVE SENTENCES Wordy She seems to be angry. Revised She seems angry. Wordy Herb’s charisma-bypass operation proved to be successful. Revised Herb’s charisma-bypass operation proved successful. Wordy The new mayor wanted his archenemy, the local movie critic, to be arrested. Revised The new mayor wanted his archenemy, the local movie critic, arrested. “Of ” and infinitive phrases. Many “of ” and infinitive (“to” plus verb) phrases may be omitted or revised by using possessives, adjectives, and verbs, as shown below: Wordy At the t ime of registration, students are required to make payment of their library fees. Revised At registration students must pay their library fees. Wordy The producer fired the mother of the director of the movie. Revised The producer fired the movie director’s mother. Including deadwood phrases makes your prose puffy; streamline your sen- tences to present a simple, direct style. Avoid Redundancy Many flabby sentences contain r edundancies (words that repeat the same idea or whose meanings overlap). Consider the following examples, c ...