How to writing well_6

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How to writing well_6 322 PART TWO - PURPOSES, MODES, AND STRATEGIES rather than fuzzy or vague. If, for example, your family dog had become lost, you wouldn’t call the animal shelter and ask if they’d seen a “big brown dog with a short tail”—naturally, you’d mention every distinguishing detail about your pet you could think of: size, color, breed, cut of ears, and special mark- ings. Similarly, if your car was stolen, you’d give the police as clear and as complete a description of your vehicle as possible. Look at the following para- graph. Does it fully tell what a vaulting horse is? A vaulting horse is a thing usually found in gyms that has four legs and a beam and is used by gymnasts making jumps. If you didn’t already know what a vaulting horse was, you might have trou- ble picking it out in a gymnasium crowded with equipment. A description with additional details would help you locate it: A vaulting horse is a piece of equipment used by gymnasts during com- petition to help propel them into the air when they perform any of a variety of leaps known as vaults. The gymnasts usually approach the vaulting horse from a running start and then place their hands on the horse for sup- port or for a push off as they perform their vaults. The horse itself resem- bles a carpenter’s sawhorse, but the main beam is made of padded leather rather than wood. The rectangular beam is approximately 5 feet, 3 inches long and 131⁄ 2 inches wide. Supported by four legs usually made of steel, the padded leather beam is approximately 4 feet, 1⁄ 2 inch above the floor in men’s competitions and 3 feet, 7 inches in women’s competitions. The padded leather beam has two white lines marking off three sections on top: the croup, the saddle, and the neck. The two end sections—the croup and the neck—are each 151⁄ 2 inches long. Gymnasts place their hands on the neck or croup, depending on the type of vault they are attempting. Moreover, the reader cannot imagine your subject clearly if your descrip- tion is couched in vague generalities. The following sentence, for example, presents only a hazy picture: Larry is a sloppy dresser. Revised, the picture is now sharply in focus: Larry wears dirty, baggy pants, shirts too small to stay tucked in, socks that fail to match his pants or each other, and a stained coat the Salvation Army rejected as a donation. Specific details can turn cloudy prose into crisp, clear images that can be reproduced in the mind like photographs. 323 CHAPTER 11 - DESCRIPTION Select only appropriate details. In any description the choice of details depends largely on the writer’s purpose and audience. However, many de- scriptions—especially the more subjective ones—will present a dominant im- pression; that is, the writer selects only those details that communicate a particular mood or feeling to the reader. The dominant impression is the con- trolling focus of a description; for example, if you wrote a description of your grandmother to show her thoughtfulness, you would select only those details that convey an impression of a sweet, kindly old lady. Here are two brief de- scriptions illustrating the concept of dominant impression. The first writer tries to create a mood of mystery: Down a black winding road stands the abandoned old mansion, silhou- etted against the cloud-shrouded moon, creaking and moaning in the wet, chill wind. The second writer tries to present a feeling of joy and innocence. A dozen kites filled the spring air, and around the bright picnic tables spread with hot dogs, hamburgers, and slices of watermelon, Tom and Annie played away the warm April day. In the description of the deserted mansion, the writer would have violated the impression of mystery had the sentence read, Down the black winding road stands the abandoned old mansion, sur- rounded by bright, multicolored tulips in early bloom. Including the cheerful flowers as a detail in the description destroys the dominant mood of bleakness and mystery. Similarly, the second example would be spoiled had the writer ended it this way: Tom and Annie played away the warm April day until Tom got so sun- burned he became ill and had to go home. Therefore, remember to select only those details that advance your descrip- tive purpose. Omit any details you consider unimportant or distracting. See if you can determine the dominant impression of each of the following descriptions: The wind had curled up to sleep in the distant mountains. Leaves hung limp and motionless from the silent trees, while birds perched on the branches like little statues. As I sat on the edge of the clearing, holding my breath, I could hear a squirrel scampering through the underbrush. Somewhere far away a dog barked twice, and then the woods were hushed once more. 324 PART TWO - PURPOSES, MODES, AND STRATEGIES This poor thing has seen better days, but one should expect the sofa in a fraternity house den to be well worn. The large, plump, brown cor- duroy pillows strewn lazily on the floor and propped comfortably against the threadbare arms bear the pencil-point scars of frustrated students and foam-bleeding cuts of multiple pillow wars. No less than four pairs of rotting Nikes stand twenty-four-hour guard at the corners of its carefully mended frame. Obviously the relaxed, inviting appearance masks the per- ...